The Quiet Drift: Why Young Adults Feel Disconnected from the Church
Have you ever walked into church on a Lord’s Day morning, sat in your usual seat, sang the songs, listened to the sermon, and left feeling like got much out of the worship service, but felt like something was still lacking? Maybe you had one or two superficial conversations but didn’t feel like you really connected with anyone. Maybe you’d describe it as being on the outside looking in—attending, but not belonging. For many young adults, this feeling of disconnection is all too familiar. It can creep in slowly, and grow over time into something deeper. You start skipping midweek Bible studies, small group meetings, prayer meetings, and maybe even evening services if your church offers them. Eventually, the temptation arises to make attending the morning worship service optional.
It’s not that you’ve stopped believing in God. You still love the gospel, desire to grow spiritually, and value community—but the truth is, it doesn’t feel like the church values you in the same way. You begin to ask yourself, Why should I keep showing up when it feels like no one notices whether I’m here or not?
The statistics back this up. According to a study by the Barna Group, 64% of young adults stop attending church regularly after high school, and many never return. This isn’t necessarily because they’ve abandoned their faith, though sometimes it is. An alternative reason to stop attending is that they feel disconnected, undervalued, or unsupported. The traditional structures of church don’t always meet the unique needs of young adults, and as a result, many find themselves drifting away. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Churches MUST remain committed to administering and participating in the glorious means of grace God has given us. But, that doesn’t mean we still can’t utilize other ways and help to reach and care for our young adults.
The Cost of Disconnection: What’s at Stake?
Disconnection isn’t just about missing a few Lord’s Days or feeling awkward at church events—it has real spiritual consequences. God designed us to live in a community. We’re meant to worship, grow, and serve alongside other believers. Isolation isn’t just lonely; it’s dangerous. Scripture is clear about the importance of fellowship: “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” (Hebrews 10:24-25).
When we pull away from the church, we lose the encouragement and accountability that help us stay grounded in our faith. Left to our own devices, doubts can creep in. The weight of life’s struggles feels heavier without the support of a community. Over time, the sense of belonging we once felt as part of the body of Christ fades, and with it, our spiritual vitality.
But here’s the good news: feeling disconnected doesn’t have to be the end of your church story. There’s a way back—a way to find your place, renew your faith, and rediscover the joy of authentic Christian community.
What Young Adults Are Really Looking For
When you strip away the programs, the gimmicks, and the awkward potlucks, what do young adults actually want from their church? Being a young adult myself at 32 years old, these are things I see being of importance to my age demographic. The answer is refreshingly simple:
Consistency: A community that shows up for one another, week after week, through good times and bad.
Depth: Opportunities to engage in meaningful theological discussions that challenge and strengthen their faith, both inside and outside the four walls of the church.
Authentic Relationships: Friendships that go beyond surface-level small talk and lead to real, life-changing connections. Talking about how our schooling and jobs are important, but that’s not what defines us.
Mentorship: Guidance from older believers who can offer wisdom, encouragement, and practical advice for navigating life and faith. Just because young adults want fellowship with other people their age and at their stage of life doesn’t mean we don’t also want those who are much older than us to be discipling us as well.
Young adults aren’t looking for flashy productions or trendy events that some churches offer. We’re longing for a church that sees us, values us, and invites us to be part of something bigger than ourselves.
The Struggle Is Real: A Friend’s Story
I have a friend who grew up in the church. Let’s call him Mike. Mike loved the community and served faithfully in the youth group during high school. But after graduating, things changed. Mike shared the sentiment that “The youth group I’d been part of dissolved, and there wasn’t anything else for people my age. I tried attending a few church events, but it always felt like I didn’t fit in.” Matt began attending less frequently. He wasn’t angry at the church, but he felt invisible. Any negative feelings that he had were not towards anyone in particular. It was actually hard for him to sometimes put his finger on it. Nonetheless, he started wondering if he was really meant to be part of a church at all.
Of course, Mike knew theologically that what he was feeling wasn’t necessarily biblical. He was well aware that he had an obligation as a believer to be part of the local body of Christ. That’s what our Lord commands of his Bride. But his experience was pressing him on how much he really believed Hebrews 10:24-25. Unfortunately, his story is far too common, and there are plenty of statistics to back that up nowadays. But, it doesn’t have to be the norm. The church can do better—and young adults like Mike can find their way back to a meaningful community.
The Role of Abide: A Path Back to Connection
This is where Abide comes in. Abide is uniquely designed to meet the needs of young adults who feel disconnected while still encouraging them to remain a part of their local bodies. Whether you’ve drifted from the church entirely or you’re just struggling to find your place, Abide offers a lifeline.
Here’s how:
A Space Tailored for Young Adults: Abide recognizes that young adults are in a unique stage of life, facing challenges and opportunities that require intentional support. Instead of offering surface-level programs, we have dozens of volunteers throughout the country who create spaces where young adults can thrive. Our gatherings are thoughtfully designed to encourage theological depth through prayer, Scripture, and sometimes even singing. Coupled with that are meaningful conversations and enjoyable activities so that we are combining communion with Christ, and rich fellowship with one another–the Bride of Christ. Whether it’s a local event, a regional retreat, or a casual meet-up, every Abide gathering is rooted in our shared desire to glorify God and grow in faith.
Partnership That Makes a Difference: One of the most powerful aspects of Abide is our focus on partnership. Whether you’re a church leader, a young adult, or something in between, there is a place for you in Abide. These aren’t one-time interactions; they’re ongoing relationships built on trust, accountability, and shared faith. Through Abide, you’ll have the opportunity to connect with mentors who can walk alongside you, offering encouragement and practical advice for navigating life’s challenges.
The Abide App: Connection Anytime, Anywhere: In today’s world, staying connected can be difficult. That’s why we’ve also developed the Abide app via “Spaces by Wix”—a digital hub designed to keep young adults engaged with their faith and with one another. Young adults can get to know their local community through multiple events each year, and then stay connected throughout the week to grow together. The app offers discussion groups that cover theological topics, prayer requests, or discussions on how to live out your faith in everyday life. Find local gatherings, retreats, and events near you.
Practical Steps for Reconnection
If you’ve been feeling disconnected from your church, you’re not alone—and it’s not hopeless. Here are some practical steps you can take to begin reconnecting:
Reflect on Your Needs: Take time to consider what’s missing in your current church experience. Are you craving deeper relationships, more theological depth, or mentorship? Identifying the gap is the first step toward filling it.
Have Honest Conversations: Share your struggles with your pastor and elders. They may not even realize you’re feeling disconnected, and their support alone could be a game-changer.
Explore Abide: Check out our gatherings, download the app, and get involved in a community designed specifically for young adults like you while still staying planted in your home church.
Recommit to the Local Church: Use the connections you make through Abide as a springboard to re-engage with your local church in new and meaningful ways.
Theological Foundations: Why Community Matters
Community isn’t just a nice addition to the Christian life—it’s essential. From the earliest days of the church, believers have gathered together for worship, prayer, and fellowship: “And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers” (Acts 2:42). Faith isn’t meant to be lived in isolation. We need each other—not just for encouragement but for accountability, growth, and service.
A Final Word: You’re Not Alone
Feeling disconnected can be a lonely and discouraging experience, but it doesn’t have to define your relationship with the church. Abide exists to remind you that you’re part of something bigger—a local and national community of believers who are committed to living out the gospel together. Whether you’re searching for friendships, a potential spouse, or simply a place to belong, Abide is here for you. Together, we can move from feeling disconnected to becoming deeply rooted in Christ and His church.
Are you ready to take that first step? Let’s do this—together. Visit our Groups online or through the Spaces by Wix app.
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