Masculinity & Femininity, The Lord’s Day, Carnal Christianity | Q&A With Rev. Paul Murphy (Part 1)

Abide was blessed to have Rev. Paul Murphy of the United Reformed Church speak at a 2022 Retreat at Cedar Springs Christian Retreat Center in Sumas, Washington. The theme of the retreat was “A Worthy Walk”. The following information is a summary of the questions and answers. For all the videos from the weekend, click here for the full playlist on YouTube.

Q: What is your advice for showing and exhibiting biblical masculinity and femininity?

A: To understand biblical masculinity and femininity, we need to go back to creation in Genesis. There’s differentiation between the sexes right from the beginning. In Genesis 1, the cultural mandate (or Dominion mandate) is given equally to Adam and Eve. They’re both created in God’s image and share equal responsibility. However, in Genesis 2, Adam is placed in the garden to work and keep it, and Eve is created as a helper fit for him. This highlights both equality and differentiation. For example, in Genesis 3, the curses given to Adam and Eve are gender-specific, tied to their distinct roles—childbearing for Eve and toil in work for Adam. These roles reflect the differences in masculinity and femininity. Masculinity is often outward-oriented, connected to work and dominion, while femininity tends to be more inward-oriented. However, these are generalizations, and qualities like love, kindness, and strength are common to both genders. The physical and biological distinctions also reinforce these roles, reflecting God’s design.

Q: Should your spouse be your best friend?

A: Absolutely, your spouse should be your best friend. Think about the spectrum of relationships: from an acquaintance to a colleague to a friend, to a good friend, to a best friend, and finally to a spouse. The difference in these relationships is the degree of intimacy, trust, and openness. A spouse is the person you know the best and who knows you the best. This relationship involves mutual transparency, trust, and commitment through the vows taken in marriage. With a spouse, you can be totally open and share your heart without fear of abandonment, as they’ve vowed to love and stay with you for life. This doesn’t mean you dwell on past mistakes or sins—those don’t need to be rehashed. However, the transparency and security provided by the marriage covenant make your spouse your closest and most reliable confidant. That level of trust and shared commitment is what makes a spouse the ideal best friend.

Q: Why is attending both morning and evening worship services important?

A: Attending both morning and evening services can frame the Lord’s Day, beginning and ending it with worship. For churches that have evening services, this structure provides a rhythm for the Sabbath, keeping God central throughout the day. While there’s no explicit biblical mandate for two services, the practice is rooted in historical traditions, like morning and evening sacrifices in the Old Testament. It’s also practical for fellowship and spiritual nourishment. In some cases, logistical challenges—such as commuting or lack of building ownership—make evening services difficult. For example, my church holds consecutive services at 10:30 AM and 12:30 PM. While not an evening service, the principle of prioritizing worship remains. If you can attend morning and evening worship, it’s a good and edifying practice. It allows for rest, reflection, and fellowship in between services. However, it’s not required to prove one’s faithfulness, and no one should feel legalistic pressure to attend both.

Q: How can Christians honor the Lord on the Sabbath, both in and out of worship?

A: The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. This is an important principle to remember, especially in circles where legalism regarding Sabbath observance can be an issue. The Bible’s teaching on the Sabbath is surprisingly sparse in terms of specifics. In Genesis, Exodus, Deuteronomy, Nehemiah 8, and Isaiah 58, we see themes of rest, delight in the Lord, and abstaining from regular work. In the New Testament, Jesus emphasized works of necessity, mercy, and worship on the Sabbath. The Westminster Confession highlights these principles, but it’s essential to avoid turning them into rigid rules. Instead of focusing on what you can’t do on the Sabbath, think about what you should do to make it a special, joyful day. 

For example, in my family, we created traditions like having hot chocolate only on the Lord’s Day or making popcorn and spending time together in the evening. These small acts helped make the Lord’s Day a delight, especially for children. The goal is to rest in the Lord, meet with His people, and enjoy the blessings of the day. Avoid legalistic attitudes that turn the Sabbath into a burden, and instead focus on making it a joyful time of worship, fellowship, and rest.

"A time will come when instead of shepherds feeding the sheep, the church will have clowns entertaining the goats," Charles Spurgeon.

Q: Can you provide examples of where the acceptance of “carnal Christianity” is prominent?

A: The concept of “carnal Christianity” originated from a misinterpretation of 1 Corinthians 3, where Paul addresses the Corinthians as “carnal” or “fleshly.” This idea has been popularized, particularly in dispensational circles and institutions like Dallas Theological Seminary. The Corinthians’ struggles with sin—like division, immorality, and doctrinal issues—led some to develop a theology separating salvation (Jesus as Savior) from lordship (Jesus as Lord). This suggests that someone can be a Christian while living without submitting to Christ’s lordship. However, scripture doesn’t support this dichotomy. If Jesus isn’t Lord of all, He isn’t Lord at all. Paul affirms the Corinthians’ Christian identity despite their flaws, which teaches us to be charitable. Yet, we must reject any theology that diminishes the call to live under Christ’s lordship. This teaching undermines the transformative power of the gospel and has negatively influenced North American evangelicalism.

Q: What is one piece of advice you would give to young believers in general?

A: The advice I often give is simple and memorable: “Read your Bible, pray every day, and you’ll grow, grow, grow. Neglect your Bible, forget to pray, and you’ll shrink, shrink, shrink.” 

Q: Can you share your conversion story?

A: I was 29 years old, working in underwater construction in New York City. One morning, after not receiving a call for work, I went to a diner near the beach where I lived. While reading the newspaper about a volcanic eruption in Hawaii, I casually mentioned to someone that it must have been like Armageddon. That person, a Christian, took the opportunity to witness to me. When asked if I was a Christian, I said, “Sure, I’m not Buddhist or Jewish.” They followed up by asking if I was born again, to which I replied, “No, I’m Roman Catholic.” That conversation planted a seed, and they introduced me to other Christians who began sharing the gospel with me.

At the time, I was a philosophy major and religion minor, raised in Jesuit schools, and thought I knew it all. These Christians kept pointing me to scripture, repeatedly saying, “The Bible says” and “God says.” It frustrated me because I realized I had no real foundation for my beliefs, while they did. Over time, I became more curious and started questioning why God had allowed me to live despite my reckless lifestyle. I had been close to death many times and even told someone my goal was to die before I turned 30. When they asked, “Why do you think God let you live?” it stopped me in my tracks. Eventually, I visited a Christian couple in Baltimore who spent a weekend answering my objections and sharing the gospel. Despite my outward resistance, their love and persistence broke through. On Lord’s Day mornings, I reluctantly went to church with them. During the sermon, the preacher said, “Satan’s most successful tactic is to get people to put off salvation for another day.” It felt like he was speaking directly to me.

That afternoon, back at their home, the Holy Spirit broke down the barriers in my heart. I realized that if I were to die, I would go straight to hell. I confessed my need for a Savior and was led through the Roman Road to salvation. That marked the beginning of my Christian life. It all started with someone bold enough to press the claims of Christ on a total stranger. Their courage and faithfulness led to my conversion. Don’t underestimate the power of taking a step of faith to share the gospel.