Counseling, Encouraging Pastors, Loving Sinners, Fear, & Prayer | Q&A With Rev. Gary Zekveld (Part 2)

Abide was blessed to have Rev. Gary Zekveld of the Canadian Reformed Church speak at a 2024 Retreat at Cedar Springs Christian Retreat Center in Sumas, Washington. The theme of the retreat was “The Christian's Emotional Life in the Psalms”. The following information is at times directly quoted or is a summary of the questions and answers. For all the videos from the weekend, click here for the full playlist on YouTube, including the sessions and question and answer time. 

Q: At what point should a pastor or friend refer someone to a licensed biblical or Christian counselor?

A: Referral to a counselor is necessary when the pastor or friend realizes the issue is beyond their expertise. This realization often occurs when the person seeking help is facing critical or complex struggles, such as being trapped in a destructive cycle or experiencing severe emotional or mental distress. For example, a young man struggling with intrusive thoughts may need professional biblical counseling to receive the structured support required to address his challenges. In such cases, the pastor can provide initial guidance and continue to offer spiritual support while a trained counselor helps with the deeper, ongoing issues. Recognizing one’s limits and knowing when to bring in someone with specialized training is crucial in ensuring the person in need receives the best possible care.

Q: Are there resources or encouragement for someone walking through suffering, such as a terminal illness?

A: A few excellent resources for walking through suffering include:

• Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering by Tim Keller, which provides a thoughtful and compassionate exploration of suffering from a biblical perspective.

• A book on lament by a pastor who experienced cancer (though the title wasn’t specified, it emphasizes using lament from Scripture as a tool for processing grief and finding hope).

• Gentle and Lowly by Dane Ortlund, which offers comfort by focusing on the heart of Christ for sufferers and sinners.

Encouragement can also come from consistent prayer, immersing oneself in Scripture, and relying on the support of a loving Christian community.

Q: Is there a place for Christian counseling that incorporates non-religious tools, such as REM therapy, or should all counseling be strictly biblical?

A: There is a place for Christian counseling that uses tools from secular psychology, as long as these tools align with biblical truth and do not contradict a Christian worldview. For instance, therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy can be helpful if used to address issues in ways consistent with Scripture. However, care must be taken to avoid adopting secular worldviews that are incompatible with Christianity. All truth is God’s truth, and tools that genuinely aid in healing and growth can be used responsibly by Christian counselors.

Q: What are the challenges pastors face in ministry, particularly in areas like administration and conflict resolution?

A: Pastoral ministry comes with various challenges, and some pastors may struggle in specific areas due to personal weaknesses or the complex nature of their role. Common challenges include:

• Administrative Leadership: Some pastors find administrative tasks challenging. Managing schedules, organizing events, and handling the logistical aspects of ministry can be a struggle for pastors who are more focused on preaching, teaching, and pastoral care.

• Interpersonal Conflicts: Dealing with conflicts among congregants can be particularly difficult. For instance, a pastor might find themselves thinking, “This is a minor issue; just get over it,” which can make it challenging to approach situations with patience and empathy. Early years in ministry, especially, can be tumultuous, as pastors navigate the dynamics of conflict resolution and peacemaking.

• Addressing Hidden Issues: When a pastor suspects sin or dysfunction in a person’s life or marriage but lacks clear evidence or an opening to address it, it can be daunting to initiate a conversation. Knowing how to probe gently and provide care without alienating someone is a skill that requires wisdom and discernment.

Q: What are some practical ways congregants can encourage and support their pastor?

A: Supporting a pastor doesn’t always require grand gestures; simple, heartfelt actions can have a profound impact. These include:

• Prayer: Regularly letting your pastor know you are praying for them is incredibly meaningful. Pastors often face spiritual and emotional burdens that prayer helps lift.

• Genuine Care: Taking the time to sincerely ask, “How are you?” demonstrates that you see the pastor as a person, not just a role.

• Encouraging Words: Expressing gratitude for their sermons or pastoral care helps pastors see the fruit of their labor.

Congregations that prioritize building strong, supportive relationships with their pastor contribute significantly to the health and effectiveness of the church.

Q: How do we love someone who is living in open sin, such as a homosexual lifestyle, while standing firm in the truth of God’s Word and not endorsing their choices?

A: Loving someone in open sin involves treating them with the same compassion and grace as any other unbeliever or wandering individual. This means being present in their life, demonstrating Christlike love, and avoiding any actions that condone their sinful behavior. For example, if a family member in a homosexual relationship wants to attend a family event, you might welcome them but draw boundaries, such as not permitting them to bring their partner if that would communicate endorsement of their relationship. It’s essential to recognize that each situation requires discernment, depending on the nature of the relationship. A close family member may necessitate a different approach than a coworker or neighbor. The goal is always to maintain relational integrity while upholding biblical truth.

Q: If Christ had anxiety, does that mean He had fear? If Christ is fully God, does that mean God has fear?

A: In His humanity, Christ experienced anxiety and fear, as seen in the Garden of Gethsemane when He prayed, “Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me.” Jesus expressed genuine human fear and dread of the suffering He was about to endure, yet without sin. His fear reflected His full humanity and His submission to the Father’s will. However, God, in His divine nature, does not experience fear. Jesus, being fully God and fully man, experienced fear in His humanity but not in His divinity. This is similar to how Scripture describes God as having blood in Acts 20:28—God does not literally have blood, but God in Christ, who is fully human, shed His blood. This union of divine and human natures in Christ allows us to affirm that Jesus, as God incarnate, experienced fear, while maintaining that fear is not a characteristic of God in His divine essence.

Q: How can a congregation cultivate a deeper culture of prayer?

A: Developing a prayerful congregation involves intentional steps:

• Start Small: Begin with those already eager to pray. For example, form a prayer group with individuals who show a readiness for deeper prayer.

• Incorporate Prayer into Gatherings: In Bible studies or fellowship meetings, prioritize prayer. Dedicate significant time to praying for one another, even if it means cutting short the study.

• Model Prayer in Worship: Encourage prayer during public worship, both through structured prayers and moments of spontaneous intercession.

Building a prayerful culture is a gradual process but deeply enriches the spiritual life of a church.