Dealing with Sexual Sin | Q&A With Rev. Mark Jones (Part 3)

Abide was blessed to have Rev. Mark Jones of the Presbyterian Church of America speak at a 2023 Retreat at Cedar Springs Christian Retreat Center in Sumas, Washington. The theme of the retreat was “Hope for Backsliders”. The following information is a summary of the questions and answers. For all the videos from the weekend, click here for the full playlist on YouTube, including the five sessions, along with the question and answer session. 

Q: What are examples of emotional intimacy breaching boundaries before marriage? How can couples avoid this while maintaining appropriate levels of connection?

A: I’ve had young couples in my office who are very careful about avoiding physical boundaries, but then they start talking about emotional things that seem disproportionate to the stage of their relationship. For example, someone might share deeply about their struggles, express romantic feelings in overly intense terms, or speak as though they’re already married—even when they’ve just started dating. This level of emotional intimacy can be off-putting, especially to guys, who may not be ready to handle that kind of depth early on. Couples need to be mindful of growing their relationship gradually. Avoid rushing into romantic or emotional declarations that don’t align with the stage of your relationship. There’s a risk of replacing one type of boundary breach (physical) with another (emotional), which can be equally damaging. Think of it like unfolding a story—it’s meant to develop over time, not all at once. Building intimacy should match the progression of the relationship.

Q: How would you respond to someone who says they gave in to sexual sin to stop obsessing over it, thinking it was better to give in than to continue struggling?

A: This kind of reasoning is very dangerous and deceitful. Sin never draws us closer to God. Instead, it hardens our hearts and leads us further away from Him. I’ve seen examples where this mentality caused significant spiritual damage. For instance, there I know a minister who admitted he regularly gave in to sexual sin, thinking it helped him cope. Over time, his heart grew hardened, and he eventually left the ministry, publicly identifying as gay. Sin doesn’t negotiate with us. It doesn’t make deals where you can sin “a little” to avoid sinning “a lot.” By giving in, you take steps away from God, not toward Him. Whether it’s sexual sin, alcohol abuse, or any other form of self-medication, indulging in sin as a solution only deepens the problem. Instead, seek God’s grace to resist sin and mortify it. Justifying sin leads to spiritual ruin, not relief.

Q: How does sexual sin affect men and women differently?

A: Generally speaking, men and women may approach and experience sexual sin differently, though there are exceptions. Men are often more visually stimulated, while women might be drawn to romanticized narratives, like those found in novels. For example, I’ve known women who struggled with reading romantic novels that were emotionally salacious. They didn’t engage in physical acts, but the emotional involvement through the stories was spiritually harmful. That said, there’s been a rise in pornography use among women in recent years, challenging traditional distinctions. Some women even turn to pornography as a way to relate to or connect with men they’re interested in, which is troubling. These differences show how sin can manifest based on personal tendencies and cultural influences. Regardless of the form, sexual sin harms our relationship with God and distorts our understanding of intimacy.

Q: Why is sexual sin described as leading people farther from God than other sins?

A: Paul explains in 1 Corinthians 6 that all other sins we commit are outside the body, but sexual sin involves the body and soul, which are a temple of the Holy Spirit. Uniting oneself to a prostitute, for example, is described with particularly strong language. Sexual sin often comes with devastating relational and spiritual consequences. For example, adultery doesn’t just harm a marriage—it tears apart the “one flesh” union. This tearing apart is painful and damaging, much like physically tearing your own flesh. The Bible frequently addresses sexual sin with gravity, highlighting its impact not only on individuals but also on families and communities. It also reflects the spiritual covenant between Christ and the Church, making violations of this covenant uniquely grievous.

Q: Does the relationship between sexual intimacy and the gospel amplify the seriousness of sexual sin?

A: Yes. Ephesians 5 uses the marriage union as a metaphor for the relationship between Christ and His bride, the Church. This analogy gives sexual intimacy a unique spiritual significance. God’s design for marriage and sexual intimacy mirrors the ultimate spiritual reality of Christ’s love for His Church. Violating this design distorts that picture, making sexual sin particularly serious. Conversely, when intimacy is honored within marriage, it reflects God’s glory and the beauty of the gospel. The connection between sexual intimacy and the gospel underscores why sexual sin carries such weight. It’s not just about the physical act—it’s about how that act relates to God’s covenantal love and faithfulness.

Q: What are the aggravations of sexual sin in particular, and how does it harm relationships more than other sins?

A: Sexual sin involves a unique kind of harm because it affects the body, soul, and spirit as a composite unit—a temple of the Holy Spirit. For example, in 1 Corinthians 6, Paul highlights how uniting oneself with a prostitute has spiritual implications beyond just the physical act. Sexual sin also carries relational damage that other sins may not. For example, if my wife were to wreck my car, I could forgive her and move forward, even though it’s a serious mistake. But if she were to engage in adultery, it would tear apart the “one flesh” relationship we share. That kind of damage is far more devastating and difficult to reconcile. The Bible frequently uses strong language to condemn sexual sin, reflecting its impact on individuals, families, and communities. It’s also significant that the Bible allows for divorce on the grounds of sexual immorality, further underscoring its weight.