Purposes of Marriage, Devotionals, Challenges for Young Adults, Evangelism, & Media | Q&A With Rev. Paul Murphy (Part 2)

Abide was blessed to have Rev. Paul Murphy of the United Reformed Church speak at a 2022 Retreat at Cedar Springs Christian Retreat Center in Sumas, Washington. The theme of the retreat was “A Worthy Walk”. The following information is a summary of the questions and answers. For all the videos from the weekend, click here for the full playlist on YouTube.

Q: Can you elaborate on your part of the session on the four purposes of marriage, especially temptation? 

A: In the Bible, sex was Purpose-Driven, not pleasure-driven, the exact opposite of how it’s portrayed in society today. I often tell young people in our church, “Don’t think of marriage as legal sex.” The purposes of sex include:

1. Procreation: “Be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1).

2. Recreation: It’s enjoyable and celebrated in Song of Solomon and Proverbs 5.

3. Communication: It’s an intimate knowing of another person, reserved for the consummation of a marriage.

4. Temptation: Paul advises in 1 Corinthians 7 that it’s better to marry than to burn with passion.

However, one shouldn’t marry just to have sex; it must be with wisdom. While any two Christians could marry without being unequally yoked, there are key factors to consider: mutual attraction, a growing faith, the ability to resolve conflict, and wisdom in partnership.

Q: Do you have recommendations for daily devotion strategies for someone who isn’t used to personal devotions? 

A: Yes, start simple: read your Bible and pray daily. It’s a discipline, a habit you must develop. Use a reading plan or devotional guide, such as the Psalms with a brief devotional. Prayer doesn’t have to be elaborate—when Jesus taught His disciples to pray, it was straightforward and concise. Use resources like the Heidelberg Catechism to structure your prayers or read pre-written prayers if you’re struggling.

Q: What’s the biggest challenge for Christians today, especially for young adults? 

A: The pervasive saturation of our culture with sex. It’s everywhere, and young adults face immense peer pressure. Remaining pure requires firm faith, accountability, and reliance on God’s Word.

Q: What is the difference between daily conversion and sanctification?

A: Daily conversion is the process of sanctification in action. Sanctification is an ongoing work of God in believers, conforming them more and more into the image of Christ. It involves putting off the old self, renewing the mind, and putting on the new self-created to be like God. Daily conversion refers to the practical, daily implementation of this process. It’s a dynamic of repentance and renewal, continually turning from sin and toward Christ. This daily work of putting sin to death and growing in grace is essential to sanctification.

Q: How can Christians share the gospel with non-believing coworkers when they fear saying the wrong thing?

A: Sharing the gospel isn’t just about boldness—it’s also about wisdom. You need to evaluate your relationship with the person and approach them in a way that’s respectful and thoughtful. Many people have experienced coworkers turning to them during hard times because they know they’re the “religious person” on the job. These moments provide natural opportunities to share your faith. Be ready to offer solace, a listening ear, or prayer when these opportunities arise. Boldness doesn’t mean being brash or obnoxious. It’s about being confident in your faith while showing kindness and humility. People often know your convictions through your actions and character, which can open doors for conversations. Peter’s advice in 1 Peter 3:15 is to always be prepared to give an answer for the hope that’s in you. He expects Christians to be asked about their faith because of how they live. If you’re walking in a way that honors Christ, people will notice and ask questions—positively or negatively. The key is to stay prepared, both spiritually and practically, so you can give an answer with gentleness and respect when the opportunity arises.

Q: How can a Christian remain pure in a sex-saturated society, particularly in dealing with lust?

A: Remaining pure in a society so saturated with sexual imagery and temptation requires both practical and spiritual strategies. At its core, it involves putting sin to death, which John Owen describes as addressing sin at a motivational level—what’s happening in your heart that gives rise to these desires? For example, lust needs to be replaced with love, and love of self must be replaced with love for Christ. Practically, there are essential safeguards, particularly in dating relationships. Avoid situations where temptation can flourish, such as being alone together. Don’t dress provocatively or put yourself in environments that foster lustful desires. Song of Solomon repeatedly advises, “Do not arouse love before its time,” emphasizing the importance of self-control in relationships. Flee from temptation—literally, as Joseph fled from Potiphar’s wife. Guard your heart and mind through prayer and scripture. Saturate your thoughts with Christ-honoring content, and avoid media or situations that encourage impurity.  

Q: How should Christians choose media and entertainment to center their lives around Christ rather than the world?

A: Choosing media and entertainment wisely requires self-awareness and discernment. The foundational principle is the simple reminder: “Be careful little eyes what you see, be careful little ears what you hear.” You need to know your own heart and how media affects you. Some content may not explicitly violate moral standards but could still harm you spiritually or emotionally. While others may watch R-rated movies without issue, you must evaluate how it impacts your thoughts and heart.

A deeper concern is the meta effect of media—how it shapes your mind and attention span. Neil Postman’s Amusing Ourselves to Death is an excellent resource on how visual media alters our thinking, making us more passive and less reflective. He contrasts this with the depth of thought required for engaging with print media. The acceleration of this phenomenon through social media is even more concerning. Platforms are designed to keep you scrolling and engaged, often numbing your ability to focus deeply. Christians should consider the broader implications of their media habits, ensuring they align with a life centered on Christ rather than worldly distractions.