Sanctification, Grieving, & Anger | Q&A With Rev. Joel Beeke & Mary Beeke (Part 3)

Abide was blessed to have Rev. Joel Beeke of the Heritage Reformed Church speak at a 2021 Retreat at Forest Home Retreat Center in California. The theme of the retreat was “Union with Christ & Christian Unity”. The following information is a summary of the questions and answers. For all the videos from the weekend, click here for the full playlist on YouTube.

Q: Is sanctification synergistic (a cooperative effort between God and man) or monergistic (entirely God’s work)? (Joel)

A: That’s a great question, and I’ll break it down. Monergistic means “one-sided,” where grace is entirely the work of God—He sanctifies us without our cooperation. Synergistic, from the prefix syn- (meaning “together”), implies a cooperative effort where the Holy Spirit sanctifies us, and we also sanctify ourselves by effort. This debate exists in Reformed Theology because both extremes have problems:

If sanctification is entirely monergistic, you risk antinomianism, where believers feel no responsibility to pursue holiness. This leads to a “let go and let God” mindset, which dismisses effort and obedience. If it’s entirely synergistic, then man contributes to his sanctification, which undermines the sovereignty of God and His grace.

The truth lies in balance. Sanctification is monergistic in that, without the Holy Spirit, we cannot sanctify ourselves at all. At the same time, it is synergistic in that we are called to actively participate in sanctification by using the means of grace—reading Scripture, prayer, worship, and striving for holiness. J.C. Ryle said, “The man who says, ‘I’m saved by grace,’ but doesn’t lift a finger to make himself holy, does not know what grace is.” When you’re saved by grace, you want to go to work and live for the glory of God. Revelation 19 illustrates this balance beautifully:

It says the bride “has made herself ready” through her righteous deeds. That sounds synergistic. But it also says, “It is given to her to wear the white linen.” That’s monergistic, showing that all righteous deeds come from God’s enabling grace. Ultimately, sanctification is all of grace, but God calls us to work. He blesses that work by His Spirit, enabling us to live for His glory.

Q: How should I think about feelings of anger or emotion against God, especially after experiencing loss? (Joel)

A: First of all, my sympathy to you. Losing a good friend is heartbreaking, and I’m not going to pretend I have all the answers. But let me offer some thoughts that might help. Jesus says in John 13:7, “What I do now, thou knowest not, but thou shalt know hereafter.” That “hereafter” might be tomorrow, next week, or even eternity. Sometimes, we simply don’t understand God’s purposes until much later—or ever in this life. God is good, righteous, kind, and never makes mistakes. We must believe that He knows what He’s doing, even when we don’t. Think of it this way: Imagine an ant crawling on the floor right now, looking up at me and asking, “Why are you doing what you’re doing?” I could explain it, but the ant wouldn’t understand—he’s just an ant. Similarly, God is infinitely above us. His purposes are so complex and wise that we can’t comprehend them. Romans 9 reminds us, “Who art thou, O man, to reply against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, ‘Why hast thou made me thus?’” Sometimes, we need to surrender our anger and confusion to God and trust that He is in control. David says, “I was dumb with silence; I opened not my mouth because thou didst it” (Psalm 39:9). When we surrender these emotions to God, He can use our experiences to mature us and help us minister to others. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 1 that we comfort others with the comfort we receive from God.

Q: How can I deal with anger or confusion toward God in prayer? (Joel)

A: Be honest with God. Tell Him exactly how you feel—He already knows your heart. Say, “Lord, I don’t want to be angry, but I am. I’m struggling to deal with this.” It takes time, and only God can truly help you work through these emotions. Octavius Winslow’s mother once advised, “When you come to God in prayer, tell Him everything about yourself as if He knew nothing about you—yet knowing He knows everything about you.” Pour out your heart to God. This act of honesty and surrender can bring relief and peace. Also, remember that God often uses our pain for a greater purpose. He might not reveal that purpose now, but He will in time or eternity. Through hard things, God draws us closer to Him, which is ultimately for our good.

Q: How can I find comfort in the loss of a loved one when life feels so final? (Joel)

A: It’s natural to see this life as the ultimate reality, but God’s perspective is eternal. Sometimes, God takes His children home to spare them from future pain or sin—or simply because He desires their presence in heaven. As painful as it is for us, death for a believer is not the worst thing that can happen. In fact, it’s the best thing—being with the Lord in glory. While we want to live and do good in this world, if God calls us or our loved ones home, we trust that it’s His will and for the best. A recent example comes to mind: I did a funeral for a 67-year-old mother who passed away suddenly. Her daughters were devastated, constantly weeping. But as we talked, one of the daughters began to see it this way: “God wants my mom. I want my mom, but God wants her with Him. And God got His way.” When we understand that God desires His children to be with Him, it brings a different perspective. We can rest in His wisdom and love, even through the pain of loss. 

Memorize Isaiah 26:3: “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee.” When we fix our minds on God and His unchanging goodness, we can rest in Him, even when life feels overwhelming. However, the moment we take our eyes off God and focus on the tragedy, that’s when we begin to struggle. Keep turning your heart and mind back to God. He is our anchor in every storm.